Thursday, September 30, 2010

Following & Comments

I feel a tad lonely today.  Nobody seems to want to follow me or comment :(  I know people are reading based on my stats, but nobody is sticking.  Please tell me what I can do to improve your blog reading experience & get ya motivated to interact?   Tell dirty jokes? ;) Flash the twins? o.O Post naked celebrity pics?? 


Friday, September 24, 2010

Walking Fall (Rambling)

Due to the somewhat sad nature of my last post, I wanted to put out something a bit more positive.  I went on one of my "centering" walks yesterday and was blown away by the changes around me.  Somewhere between work, family & life I missed the arrival.   Fall has finally arrived!  Despite the hot temperatures Mother Earth hasn't forgetten my beloved time of year. 

I couldn't help but smile looking at the changing color of the leaves.....oranges, reds, browns.  Hearing the crunch of the fallen ones beneath my feet along the dirt road.  Indulging in the spicy scent of earth and wind.  Watcing the birds fly over the already yellow faded corn fields just as the sun was setting.  It was truly a breath taking exerience!

So if you haven't t done so already STOP and take the time to really look around you.  You might find it worth the trouble ;) 

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Health & Stress (Rambling)

I think we can all agree that stress and physical health are related.  In today's society, where 80% of the population is on mood stabilizers, you would be hard pressed to prove otherwise.  Well this scratch that.....this Year has been the worst in both spheres of my life.  Contrary to what some may think, I have really been working hard on changing my frame of mind to "being more positive." 

But somehow things in my life just keep getting tougher & tougher.  First it started with mostly my own medical issues, surgeries, illness, etc and then turned to mental stress.  The stress of not making enough $ to even survive, not finding a job that meets my education level w/looming school loan payments in the future, not finding a part time job to make ends meet, having a mother in very poor health, a grandfather w/progressing alzheimer's, shall I continue? all just seemed to build to me being in the hospital w/chest pains.

I tell you that scared me half to death.  Only 35 and in the hospital for my heart!?!?! WTF!  So I started walking 2 miles several times a week and trying to focus on the "Positivity" everyone keeps talking about.  Well in the last week I've had someone very close to me threaten/attempt suicide (please do not ask who), my step father has been in the ER twice & has to have a biopsy for prostate cancer AND I am now sick with ANOTHER friggin sinus infection! 

While now I have NO DOUBT in my mind about the connection between stress & health......I would like to know how DAMN POSITIVE do I need to be before the sun comes back out??? REALLY??  

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Beginning (Story Intro)

Here is the begining of my story.  It is a new intro to a story I started a long time ago, but hadn't quite liked it.  So I started over.  Please let me know what you think!

Men are pigs! thought  Rachel as she stared out the gray streaked window, watching millions of rain drops dancing on the surface of the lake.   It was a lesson her Mother had been trying to teach her since she was a young child.  Why hadn’t she learned that by now was beyond her?  Some things never change she supposed.  It was time to finally find out the truth and face it, just to get this ache in her heart to stop.  She grabbed the keys off the coffee table and headed out the door.
                Seth Parker had been a fixture in her life and heart since she was a teenager, which Rachel supposed could be construed as super romantic or pathetically sad considering she was reaching her mid-thirties.  The last four years they had been “dating,” but not serious…..i.e. habitually sleeping together with no real commitment.  No commitment was Seth’s deal not hers.  Rachel was more than willing to give Seth a commitment of not just her mind & body, but her soul as well. 
                However if you had asked her friends and family they would have told you Rachel was crazy to put her heart in the hands of Seth Parker, original bad boy and player extraordinaire.   He had the looks with his 6 foot frame, dark sandy blond hair, broad shoulders, and piercing blue eyes.  When you add the charm, sexual charisma, and intelligence Seth Parker was one hard man to say no too.  The problem is history had shown the masses that Seth was just about incapable of being faithful to any woman, not even his ex-wife.    Of course, Rachel was the only one who knew that last tidbit. 
                These thoughts swirled in her head as she locked the door to her house and climbed into her red Sonoma.  Shaking off the rain drops, Rachel looked in the rear view mirror and for the millionth time lectured herself, Why did you go down that road with him again? Are you a complete idiot?  Did you forget what happened ten years ago?  Just because now he says you are one of the most important people in his life?   If he lost you he’d lose everything?  That doesn’t mean he LOVES you, moron!  “No it just sounds like he does,” she sighed. 
                Rachel gunned the engine to her beloved red truck before backing it out the driveway onto Brighton Lake Rd. heading towards Grand River.  One thing about Seth was he is a creature of habit, a fact Rachel thanked God for at the moment.  It was lunch time at his law office and she knew right where to find him and it was time they had a talk.  Face to face this time.  She deserved that much from the person who claimed to be her best friend.  The one who said he’d always be there for her.
 Yet somehow over the last few months, Seth seemed to have forgotten she existed.    Right around the time Rachel started having medical problems where doctors were using the words cancer or infertility.  She had slipped into a deep, dark, depression where she had lain in bed for days not wanting to get up.  And the few times she had talked to Seth telling him about her fears, he blew off her concerns and left her alone to deal with it.   When she had tried to confront him on that his excuse was he thought she wanted to be left alone.  Right!  Your best friend talks about wanting to throw herself off the roof of a building and you think she needs to be left alone!
Something wasn’t adding up because Seth had never been a cold hearted person, at least not where she was concerned.   Rachel figured now that she managed to finally get out of her depression, thanks to some real friends, it was time to find out the truth about what is going on with Seth.  Thus today’s lunch surprise at Quiznos. 
Turning right onto Grand River Rachel followed the lunch time traffic down to the mini-mall containing Seth’s favorite lunch spot.  Pulling into the parking lot and finding an obscure spot in the back, she took a deep breath to prepare herself for what was going to come next.  Staring out the windshield watching the sprinkles of rain, Rachel tried to think of how she was going to do this. 
Once she mustered up enough courage she stepped out into the rain.  Walking towards the glass doors of the restaurant, she noticed Seth’s yellow mustang a few spots over and felt her heart beat speed up.  The butterflies in her stomach were going warp speed and not in the good way.  Something felt off about the whole thing and she couldn’t pin point why.  Before opening the door, Rachel stopped and peered through the window. 
Several tables back she saw him, but he wasn’t alone.  Sitting in the booth next to him was a woman with long bleach blond hair and big boobs.  But it wasn’t any blonde; Rachel would recognize that face anywhere.  It was Dianna the crazy bitch that broke Seth’s heart about a year ago.  The one Rachel spent many nights listening to her then drunken friend, now lover, cry over.   The one Seth claimed Rachel helped him get over and one he’d never be stupid enough to go back too.  Rachel’s stomach dropped when she realized they were holding hands!  Then as if right on cue Seth leaned over and started kissing her! 
Rachel could feel the tiny tear in her heart begin as the rage inside built to a screaming roar in her ears.  Robotically she turned around and started walking back towards her truck.  Half way there she stopped staring at the yellow mustang.  Pulling a slip of paper & pen out of her purse, Rachel scribbled a simple message:  Hope it was worth losing everything.  She folded the message in fourths and slapped it under the wiper of the car. 
Back in her truck, Rachel could feel the rage shaking her body.  She could not believe that what happened 10 years ago was replaying itself again only worse!  This time Seth hadn’t stopped talking to her all together he had kept sleeping with her and filling her head with nonsensical garbage that he really cared about her!   She really was only his In Between Girl… even better she was the Back Up Plan Girl.  The one if he couldn’t find someone better he’d settle for or use up until a better option came along!
The sad fact is everyone tried to warn her he really was that kind of person, but Rachel refused to listen.  She had believed in the good in Seth and loved him unconditionally.  He had crept into her heart, always knowing how to make her smile or laugh and constantly saying things that made her think she was special to him.  She had wanted nothing more than to give him everything she had in her heart and share a life with him someday.  The worst part, the most hurtful part, was when she really needed him as a friend he was too busy chasing a piece of ass to be bothered!  And the real pathetic thing is she had devalued herself enough to become his whore in the process!   
NEVER AGAIN were the words that screamed in her head as she gunned her truck out into traffic.  Rachel was on auto pilot speeding through traffic with no concrete direction in mind.  All she knew is she needed to get FAR away and FAST!  A tornado of thoughts whirled in her head;  “I just wanted to make this the most romantic day ever for you”…..”If I lost you I’d lose everything,”…..”you know if I kiss a girl, I must really like her,”  Close to twenty years of friendship, romantic  memories, everything that meant anything felt like a lie….meaningless.  Empty. 
As the reality of those thoughts sunk in, Rachel could literally feel the splintering of her heart while it disintegrated.  The pain ripping a hole straight through her causing her to start hyperventilating.   Why not just stop breathing?  Does anything even matter anymore?    As If in an unconscious attempt to out run the process, she pushed her vehicle faster.
 Rachel had somehow ended up on Argentine road going towards Linden.  Argentine road is a typical paved country road with twisty and winding curves that those who loved to drive fast could never resist, and Rachel was taking those curves at easily twice the legal limit.  Trees and farms whipped passed in a blur.  The Sonoma rounded an extreme curve and Rachel lost control of her vehicle.  She heard a loud crunch and then the world turned on it’s head.


Category: Writing and Poetry
*I do Not own picture.  Found on

Love is a myth
it's existence never real
My heart is a zombie
you were the vampire
taking it's last meal
I gave you all of me
 now there's a hole inside
I can't breathe
I am broken

Pasion (Poem)

Shimering darkness,
                 mysterious waters
                               beneath moonlit sky
                                     fire sultry incnse,
                                                        burning hot
                                                                      lustful passion flies
Gentle arms tenderly caress
                              desirability lost
                                        felt once again
                                                    bodies connected
                                                             ignite sweet lust
                                                                honest attraction begins
Lips upon sweet lips,        
                 iIntoxicating words,
                                sexuality set free
                                         desired as a woman
                                                             passion burns,
                                                                     celebrating me

First Kiss (Poem)

First Kiss
Mary Jane's Last Dance plays softly
Drops of moonlight
                  Caressing skin
                                  Eyes penetrate mine
                                          Searching where they've been
unbelievably close to you

River of emotions
                   running fast and deep
                                    feelings of the heart
                                                         lips could never speak
amazed at my thoughts

              Warm soft lips touching mine
                                                              spiraling emotions
                                                                      fluttering deep inside
    you always knew

                               Soul meets soul
                                                Tender and sweet
                                                                  Warm and gentle
                                                                         Turning to liquid heat