Monday, November 22, 2010
Manic Monday (Rambling)
There is absolutely no better description for my day than Monday! Started out running very late for work, leaving w/out coffee or breakfast :/ Then it was a continual roller coaster going down hill FAST from there. We were incredibly busy at work, ALL day. I didn't even get lunch until two hours before my shift ended and to top it all off I have had a monster headache since 2:00 p.m. that won't disappear. It is now 8:00 p.m. The one bright spot to the day? It's almost OVER and this is only a 3 day work week!! YAY!!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
The Beginning (Story Cont.)
Here is my story with the next section added to it. I decided to repost the whole thing for those who are reading it for the first time or forgot details from the first section. Please let me know what you think!
Men are pigs! thought Rachel as she stared out the gray streaked window, watching millions of rain drops dancing on the surface of the lake. It was a lesson her Mother had been trying to teach her since she was a young child. Why hadn’t she learned that by now was beyond her? Some things never change she supposed. It was time to finally find out the truth and face it, just to get this ache in her heart to stop. She grabbed the keys off the coffee table and headed out the door.
Seth Parker had been a fixture in her life and heart since she was a teenager, which Rachel supposed could be construed as super romantic or pathetically sad considering she was reaching her mid-thirties. The last four years they had been “dating,” but not serious…..i.e. habitually sleeping together with no real commitment. No commitment was Seth’s deal not hers. Rachel was more than willing to give Seth a commitment of not just her mind & body, but her soul as well.
However if you had asked her friends and family they would have told you Rachel was crazy to put her heart in the hands of Seth Parker, original bad boy and player extraordinaire. He had the looks with his 6 foot frame, dark sandy blond hair, broad shoulders, and piercing blue eyes. When you add the charm, sexual charisma, and intelligence Seth Parker was one hard man to say no too. The problem is history had shown the masses that Seth was just about incapable of being faithful to any woman, not even his ex-wife. Of course, Rachel was the only one who knew that last tidbit.
These thoughts swirled in her head as she locked the door to her house and climbed into her red Sonoma
Rachel gunned the engine to her beloved red truck before backing it out the driveway onto
Brighton Lake Rd. heading towards Grand River . One thing about Seth was he is a creature of habit, a fact Rachel thanked God for at the moment. It was lunch time at his law office and she knew right where to find him and it was time they had a talk. Face to face this time. She deserved that much from the person who claimed to be her best friend. The one who said he’d always be there for her.
Yet somehow over the last few months, Seth seemed to have forgotten she existed. Right around the time Rachel started having medical problems where doctors were using the words cancer or infertility. She had slipped into a deep, dark, depression where she had lain in bed for days not wanting to get up. And the few times she had talked to Seth telling him about her fears, he blew off her concerns and left her alone to deal with it. When she had tried to confront him on that his excuse was he thought she wanted to be left alone. Right! Your best friend talks about wanting to throw herself off the roof of a building and you think she needs to be left alone!
Something wasn’t adding up because Seth had never been a cold hearted person, at least not where she was concerned. Rachel figured now that she managed to finally get out of her depression, thanks to some real friends, it was time to find out the truth about what is going on with Seth. Thus today’s lunch surprise at Quiznos.
Turning right onto Grand River Rachel followed the lunch time traffic down to the mini-mall containing Seth’s favorite lunch spot. Pulling into the parking lot and finding an obscure spot in the back, she took a deep breath to prepare herself for what was going to come next. Staring out the windshield watching the sprinkles of rain, Rachel tried to think of how she was going to do this.
Once she mustered up enough courage she stepped out into the rain. Walking towards the glass doors of the restaurant, she noticed Seth’s yellow mustang a few spots over and felt her heart beat speed up. The butterflies in her stomach were going warp speed and not in the good way. Something felt off about the whole thing and she couldn’t pin point why. Before opening the door, Rachel stopped and peered through the window.
Several tables back she saw him, but he wasn’t alone. Sitting in the booth next to him was a woman with long bleach blond hair and big boobs. But it wasn’t any blonde; Rachel would recognize that face anywhere. It was Dianna the crazy bitch that broke Seth’s heart about a year ago. The one Rachel spent many nights listening to her then drunken friend, now lover, cry over. The one Seth claimed Rachel helped him get over and one he’d never be stupid enough to go back too. Rachel’s stomach dropped when she realized they were holding hands! Then as if right on cue Seth leaned over and started kissing her!
Rachel could feel the tiny tear in her heart begin as the rage inside built to a screaming roar in her ears. Robotically she turned around and started walking back towards her truck. Half way there she stopped staring at the yellow mustang. Pulling a slip of paper & pen out of her purse, Rachel scribbled a simple message: Hope it was worth losing everything. She folded the message in fourths and slapped it under the wiper of the car.
Back in her truck, Rachel could feel the rage shaking her body. She could not believe that what happened 10 years ago was replaying itself again only worse! This time Seth hadn’t stopped talking to her all together he had kept sleeping with her and filling her head with nonsensical garbage that he really cared about her! She really was only his In Between Girl…..no even better she was the Back Up Plan Girl. The one if he couldn’t find someone better he’d settle for or use up until a better option came along!
The sad fact is everyone tried to warn her he really was that kind of person, but Rachel refused to listen. She had believed in the good in Seth and loved him unconditionally. He had crept into her heart, always knowing how to make her smile or laugh and constantly saying things that made her think she was special to him. She had wanted nothing more than to give him everything she had in her heart and share a life with him someday. The worst part, the most hurtful part, was when she really needed him as a friend he was too busy chasing a piece of ass to be bothered! And the real pathetic thing is she had devalued herself enough to become his whore in the process!
NEVER AGAIN were the words that screamed in her head as she gunned her truck out into traffic. Rachel was on auto pilot speeding through traffic with no concrete direction in mind. All she knew is she needed to get FAR away and FAST! A tornado of thoughts whirled in her head; “I just wanted to make this the most romantic day ever for you”…..”If I lost you I’d lose everything,”…..”you know if I kiss a girl, I must really like her,” Close to twenty years of friendship, romantic memories, everything that meant anything felt like a lie….meaningless. Empty.
As the reality of those thoughts sunk in, Rachel could literally feel the splintering of her heart while it disintegrated. The pain ripping a hole straight through her causing her to start hyperventilating. Why not just stop breathing? Does anything even matter anymore? As If in an unconscious attempt to out run the process, she pushed her vehicle faster.
Rachel had somehow ended up on Argentine road going towards Linden Sonoma
****
“Are you sure she hasn’t tried calling and you just missed the call?”
“Yeah, the phone has been silent all morning. Why?”
“I just want to make sure she is okay that’s all.”
“And exactly why wouldn’t Rachel be okay?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know? Seth, what the hell is going on?”
“Chill Lucy. Nothing is going on. Just let me know if you hear from her okay?”
“Seth Parker if you have done something to hurt her again, I swear I will personally kick your ass! I am so tired of you messing with my best friend!”
“I didn’t do anything,” was the mumbled response.
Click
Angry and frustrated Lucy slammed the phone back on the charger. She could not believe the gall of this man. Seth always did think he was God’s gift to women, when really he is just a dangerous predator. The kind of man who knows exactly how to make women fall in love with him, not because he loved them back, but just so he could use them to fulfill his own needs
Lucy Levano was the kind of woman who easily saw through other people’s bullshit and didn’t have a problem calling them on it. Needless to say it did not take long for Seth’s penchant for exactly that to come to the surface. Less than impressed Lucy was able to dodge that bullet, only to watch it smash right into her childhood best friend Rachel Hart.
Over the last 10 years or more Lucy had done her best to try to convince Rachel of the fact Seth could not be trusted. But no matter how hard Lucy tried it just seemed to push Rachel closer to him. So Lucy had finally given up trying and let her friend go the path her heart led her.
Lucy felt slightly uneasy about the phone call, but knew if something was truly wrong Rachel would call. However she could always check in just to make sure everything was alright. Just as the thought entered her head the phone began to ring. Looking at the caller ID, Lucy picked it up.
“Hello there. I was just about to call you. Start talking chickie”
“My Sophie has been hurt,” a deep male voice answered.
A chill crept over Lucy’s skin raising goose bumps.
“What? Do you mean Rachel and how the hell did you get her phone?”
“She needs help. She is on Argentine rd. The ambulance is coming.”
Click
Thoughts raced through Lucy’s head as she quickly redialed Rachel’s number. No answer. Damn it! What if this was just some idea of a sick joke? Rachel could have lost her phone and this was some pervert’s idea of a good time. He did use the wrong name……wait Sofie was what Rachel’s Aunt Maddie always called her. Something about her middle name. The sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach told Lucy this was no joke.
Trying to make sense of the tornado in her head, Lucy was busy throwing on her Red Wings hoodie and sneakers. She grabbed her keys off the kitchen table and booked out the door. Argentine road was just one turn off the road Lucy lived on. So it was definitely possible Rachel had been on that road today. If she had a fight with Seth the first place she would have gone was Lucy’s house.
****
Even when the world was upside down automatic bodily functions like breathing should still manage to continue. Should it not? At least that was the thought currently in Rachel’s head. However for some reason she was struggling with that basic task. It was then she realized something was covering her face. The need for self-preservation kicking in, Rachel grabbed at the material covering her face and pushed it away.
Rachel realized the truck’s airbag must have been deployed during the crash. The crash, omigod! Did I hit someone? Is anyone hurt? These thoughts turned to raw panic as Rachel attempted to reach her arm towards the door handle. Unfortunately a wave of pain and dizziness hit when she tried to move. The last thing Rachel saw was a pair of worn brown leather work boots outside the driver side window before the wings of darkness enfolded her.
Slowly the darkness began to form images and sounds one after another.
Children’s laughter and bright sunlight bursting through colored trees. A young blond girl with amazing violet eyes smiling and spinning……sky turns overcast blending dark……a woman’s back kneeling at the bottom of a staircase holding a blond child in her arms and sobbing…..a dark silo reaching out of the darkness moving closer……a voice screaming “RUN SOPHIE RUN!!”
SOPHIE!!
****
Rachel sat on the bed under the brash lighting listening to a mix of random beeps and her best friend Lucy Levano’s voice rambling on. Rachel tried to tune into what Lucy was saying, but most of it passed through her like muted rain drops. She caught words here and there, such as ‘worried,’ ‘lucky,’ and ‘reckless.’ But for the most part Lucy’s words were lost in the vastness of the hospital, an entertaining diatribe for bored family & friends of other patients to focus on.
“Did you hear a Word I just sad?” Lucy raged, “Hello, McFly!” Lucy bore into her with those chocolate brown eyes and stopped short of smacking the back of Rachel’s head.
“Sorry….um….what?” Rachel flinched
“Exactly! You NEVER listen to a word I say! What could have possessed you to be driving so recklessly down Argentine in the rain? You are so lucky the only casualties where your truck and Mr. Seymore’s precious rose bushes! Do you want to tell me what the HELL is going on?”
“Not really no.”
“Yeah I figured! Well eventually you will talk! Now do as the good doctor ordered and get dressed so we can blow this pop stand,” and with that she flounced out of the hospital room as only Lucy Levano could.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Right At Margaret's (Rambling)
So this past weekend I had an interesting experience going to visit my Grandfather in his new home at the demtia care facility. My grandfather has been living with the disease of Alzheimer's for the past few years. Anybody who has had experience witht his disease knows just how difficult it can be for both the parient and family.
The care facility my grandfather is in has only about 30 residents so the staff have the chance to connect with each patient, which puts family member's minds at ease that their loved ones aren't just a number. Atleast it did mine and my grandmother's anyway.
When I arrived their with my Grandma for the first time I was a little nervous about what I would find. But to my suprise it was a very cozy and clean facility. Walls painted a warm yellow that feels inviting. My grandma gave me a quick tour of the facility.
I remembered the way back to my Grandfather's room was to take a right at Margaret's door. This stuck in my mind mostly because the first day Grandma kept telling me when we passed the door she had yet to meet Margaret yet. It's odd the pictures that stick in your mind during moments of stress or difficulty, lol.
My biggest concern or nervousness if you will was how I would handle the state my gramps would be in when I saw him. The first day wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. He spent a lot of time closing his eyes while we talked and only responding minimally. Ofcourse it was obvious he didn't quite know who we were other than we were important to him. Leaving was when it got hard because he got confused and sad that we were leaving. He didn't quite understand. It did break my heart a bit.
The second day was much more difficult, as staff alerted us to the fact that he was having a 'difficult' day. One in which staff had found him waiting at the door with pictures of his family in his hand.....wanting to go somewhere, but not knowing where.....obviously missing someone, but not knowing who. =(
But eventually Grandma & I were able to talk him out of his neighbor's room and into the dining area for tea & cookies. I attempted conversation that he probably didn't totally understand, but I think he enjoyed the effort. However when I mentioned I met a woman at church that day that He had taught to swim, gramps lit up! Just the same as he would have if he had been lucid and he laughed! It was music to my ears and heart!
This was also the time Grandma & I met Margaret. A lovely woman in a wheelchair who talked non-stop about something I didn't understand, but I enjoyed interacting her & seeing her smile :)
It was a difficult thing to see my gramps lost the way he is, but out of Respect & Love I will continue to visit him. No matter what the emotional cost is to me, it's worth it for me to know that I can give that much to the man who did anything he could for me to make sure I was safe & happy my whole life. Now is the time for his family to give back to him, knowing if the tables were turned, he'd do the same for us.
The care facility my grandfather is in has only about 30 residents so the staff have the chance to connect with each patient, which puts family member's minds at ease that their loved ones aren't just a number. Atleast it did mine and my grandmother's anyway.
When I arrived their with my Grandma for the first time I was a little nervous about what I would find. But to my suprise it was a very cozy and clean facility. Walls painted a warm yellow that feels inviting. My grandma gave me a quick tour of the facility.
I remembered the way back to my Grandfather's room was to take a right at Margaret's door. This stuck in my mind mostly because the first day Grandma kept telling me when we passed the door she had yet to meet Margaret yet. It's odd the pictures that stick in your mind during moments of stress or difficulty, lol.
My biggest concern or nervousness if you will was how I would handle the state my gramps would be in when I saw him. The first day wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. He spent a lot of time closing his eyes while we talked and only responding minimally. Ofcourse it was obvious he didn't quite know who we were other than we were important to him. Leaving was when it got hard because he got confused and sad that we were leaving. He didn't quite understand. It did break my heart a bit.
The second day was much more difficult, as staff alerted us to the fact that he was having a 'difficult' day. One in which staff had found him waiting at the door with pictures of his family in his hand.....wanting to go somewhere, but not knowing where.....obviously missing someone, but not knowing who. =(
But eventually Grandma & I were able to talk him out of his neighbor's room and into the dining area for tea & cookies. I attempted conversation that he probably didn't totally understand, but I think he enjoyed the effort. However when I mentioned I met a woman at church that day that He had taught to swim, gramps lit up! Just the same as he would have if he had been lucid and he laughed! It was music to my ears and heart!
This was also the time Grandma & I met Margaret. A lovely woman in a wheelchair who talked non-stop about something I didn't understand, but I enjoyed interacting her & seeing her smile :)
It was a difficult thing to see my gramps lost the way he is, but out of Respect & Love I will continue to visit him. No matter what the emotional cost is to me, it's worth it for me to know that I can give that much to the man who did anything he could for me to make sure I was safe & happy my whole life. Now is the time for his family to give back to him, knowing if the tables were turned, he'd do the same for us.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Passion (Poem)
Shimering darkness,
mysterious waters
mysterious waters
beneath moonlit sky
fire sultry incnse,
burning hot
lustful passion flies
Gentle arms
tenderly caress
desirability lost
felt once again
bodies connected
ignite sweet lust
honest attraction begins
Lips upon sweet lips,
intoxicating words,
sexuality set free
intoxicating words,
sexuality set free
desired as a woman
passion burns,
celebrating me
Glances (Poem)
Is there anyone out there
Can anyone here me
Words lost in the darkness of comotion
Runnin, spinnin, gettin through the day
Nobody sees anybody anymore
Hearts pour out to strangers passing by
Glances are all the time our souls have to spare
Jumpin, jogging, thought to fleeting thought
Thinking is a novelty of the past
Freud had too much time on his hands
Just blame it on the mother
Stabbing, hurting pain seeps through the soul
Everyone has it so just deal
Everyone knows it isn't real
Take pill, who needs to feel
Is there anyone out there
Can anyone hear me
Heaven (Poem)
Heaven
Sky blue pink sunset
Fades ocean blue
Cascading moonlight enveloping
Breathless there’s you
Graceful sweetness unfolding
Fluttering deep inside
Winds of Heaven dance freely
Honesty upheld in virgin eyes
Soulful gaze penetrating
Caressing the heart
Two souls bonded by heaven’s kiss
Distance separates eternity never parts
Monday, October 25, 2010
Still Moments (Rambling)
So many times in life our minds get filled with constant chaos. The chaos of life around us...work, relationships, world peace. Who knows, but we are bombarded with on a daily basis. Along with the industrial revolution and teechnological evolution, seemed to come the over powering need for society to be constantly stimulated. Always moving, changing, and evolving. And while growing is usually a positive step, the value of being still seems to have gotten lost admist the chaos.
Now don't confuse still with stagnant. I am not negating the fact that growth is necessary for the individual and society as a whole. However how can we as individuals, or society as a whole, progress positively forward if we never take the time to SLOW DOWN and re-energize ourselves. Recognize the value in sitting quietly under the tree admiring all the wonderful & beautiful things around us. Taking time to listen to the hum of life beyond the human race? I believe if more of us, myself included, took the time to do these things we may start to see something amazing happen. The chaos and the noise in our heads....the whirling thoughts and worries that go so LOUD and overwhelming....they just may still for a moment. And for that moment we may all find a little more peace in our lives.
Now don't confuse still with stagnant. I am not negating the fact that growth is necessary for the individual and society as a whole. However how can we as individuals, or society as a whole, progress positively forward if we never take the time to SLOW DOWN and re-energize ourselves. Recognize the value in sitting quietly under the tree admiring all the wonderful & beautiful things around us. Taking time to listen to the hum of life beyond the human race? I believe if more of us, myself included, took the time to do these things we may start to see something amazing happen. The chaos and the noise in our heads....the whirling thoughts and worries that go so LOUD and overwhelming....they just may still for a moment. And for that moment we may all find a little more peace in our lives.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Circles (Poem)
No matter which direction I go
here I am again
Round & round in cirlces
only to end where I began.
Dizzy Miss Lizzy
wandering at sea
looking for her anchor
only then will I be free
here I am again
Round & round in cirlces
only to end where I began.
Dizzy Miss Lizzy
wandering at sea
looking for her anchor
only then will I be free
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Following & Comments
I feel a tad lonely today. Nobody seems to want to follow me or comment :( I know people are reading based on my stats, but nobody is sticking. Please tell me what I can do to improve your blog reading experience & get ya motivated to interact? Tell dirty jokes? ;) Flash the twins? o.O Post naked celebrity pics??
PLEASE JUST TALK TO ME!! ;D
PLEASE JUST TALK TO ME!! ;D
Friday, September 24, 2010
Walking Fall (Rambling)
Due to the somewhat sad nature of my last post, I wanted to put out something a bit more positive. I went on one of my "centering" walks yesterday and was blown away by the changes around me. Somewhere between work, family & life I missed the arrival. Fall has finally arrived! Despite the hot temperatures Mother Earth hasn't forgetten my beloved time of year.
I couldn't help but smile looking at the changing color of the leaves.....oranges, reds, browns. Hearing the crunch of the fallen ones beneath my feet along the dirt road. Indulging in the spicy scent of earth and wind. Watcing the birds fly over the already yellow faded corn fields just as the sun was setting. It was truly a breath taking exerience!
So if you haven't t done so already STOP and take the time to really look around you. You might find it worth the trouble ;)
I couldn't help but smile looking at the changing color of the leaves.....oranges, reds, browns. Hearing the crunch of the fallen ones beneath my feet along the dirt road. Indulging in the spicy scent of earth and wind. Watcing the birds fly over the already yellow faded corn fields just as the sun was setting. It was truly a breath taking exerience!
So if you haven't t done so already STOP and take the time to really look around you. You might find it worth the trouble ;)
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Health & Stress (Rambling)
I think we can all agree that stress and physical health are related. In today's society, where 80% of the population is on mood stabilizers, you would be hard pressed to prove otherwise. Well this week....no scratch that.....this Year has been the worst in both spheres of my life. Contrary to what some may think, I have really been working hard on changing my frame of mind to "being more positive."
But somehow things in my life just keep getting tougher & tougher. First it started with mostly my own medical issues, surgeries, illness, etc and then turned to mental stress. The stress of not making enough $ to even survive, not finding a job that meets my education level w/looming school loan payments in the future, not finding a part time job to make ends meet, having a mother in very poor health, a grandfather w/progressing alzheimer's, shall I continue? lol....it all just seemed to build to me being in the hospital w/chest pains.
I tell you that scared me half to death. Only 35 and in the hospital for my heart!?!?! WTF! So I started walking 2 miles several times a week and trying to focus on the "Positivity" everyone keeps talking about. Well in the last week I've had someone very close to me threaten/attempt suicide (please do not ask who), my step father has been in the ER twice & has to have a biopsy for prostate cancer AND I am now sick with ANOTHER friggin sinus infection!
While now I have NO DOUBT in my mind about the connection between stress & health......I would like to know how DAMN POSITIVE do I need to be before the sun comes back out??? REALLY??
But somehow things in my life just keep getting tougher & tougher. First it started with mostly my own medical issues, surgeries, illness, etc and then turned to mental stress. The stress of not making enough $ to even survive, not finding a job that meets my education level w/looming school loan payments in the future, not finding a part time job to make ends meet, having a mother in very poor health, a grandfather w/progressing alzheimer's, shall I continue? lol....it all just seemed to build to me being in the hospital w/chest pains.
I tell you that scared me half to death. Only 35 and in the hospital for my heart!?!?! WTF! So I started walking 2 miles several times a week and trying to focus on the "Positivity" everyone keeps talking about. Well in the last week I've had someone very close to me threaten/attempt suicide (please do not ask who), my step father has been in the ER twice & has to have a biopsy for prostate cancer AND I am now sick with ANOTHER friggin sinus infection!
While now I have NO DOUBT in my mind about the connection between stress & health......I would like to know how DAMN POSITIVE do I need to be before the sun comes back out??? REALLY??
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)