Wednesday, December 14, 2011

My nightmare

So I had a incredibly disturbing nightmare last night and a long one at that. I have to blog it out because it needs to go somewhere besides my head so please forgive me but this will not be a fun read. It began nice enough. I was up north at my grandparent's old property in Grayling with my family. We were talking about going canoeing or intertubing. But we had to go into town to buy more intertubes because when they sold the property they gave all the old ones away. Somehow we eneded up getting the property back. My cousin & I decided to go to the store. Details here are a little fuzzy but before we leave to go to town I get kidnapped by some old gray haired man.

He takes me to this farm house and rapes me. The first time he does it (yes it happens multiple times) I don't feel anything just see his image above me as he is violating me and then my nightgown (why am I wearing a nightgown idk) in the corner. I pass out and wake up to an empty house. I go into an adjoining part of the house, which must be an office or store, and see several phones. But none of the phones have hand sets. So I think fast & hit the speaker phone button dialing 911. A dispatcher gets on the line and I tell her I have been kidnapped & raped. I don't know where I am but please hurry because he will kill me then I see a truck pull up and hang up the phone. I am running to get back to the room he left me in so I won't get caught. I get back into bed just in time. It is not just him this time, but he has a gray haired lady that is assisting him. She comes in and turns on the tv for me to watch. I keep looking at my night shirt in the corner. Things get fragmented a bit but next thing I know someone is at the door. A very young blonde girl, maybe 18 yrs old and I apparently know her (not in real life tho). He kidnaps her now as well.

Then he makes us all pb&j sandwiches which is when I realize there is more young women here. I am terrified for not just myself but the blond girl. I am back in my room and he rapes me a second time. Only this time I feel it happen in the dreams.....the way my underwear felt rubbing against my skin and the utter terror I felt realizing he was taking them off. The burning pain of him inside my why he violated me repeatedly and the sickening crawling feeling on my skin while he touched & kissed me. The silent scream inside my head.

Then I am next to a window looking out while the others are eating sandwiches in another room. I see a campground with lots of trailers straight ahead about 200 feet ahead and I think maybe I could get out through the window and get help. But then I realize it's too close. He'd find me and kill me for sure. Farther out to the left is a building and for some reason I feel there is where I should go. I look around the room and find the perfect window.

Then I am in the building and realize it's full of my old co-workers from First Step (the sexual assault & domestic fviolence agency).I go to one of them Valerie (a supervisor) and ask for help. I tell her whats happening and beg her to call the police. She ignores me and goes into a room to sleep. I am trying to get someone to listen and it's like I'm invisible. I start screaming for help and that he's gonna kill me if he finds me. I scream that I was raped. Then I start clawing at my skin and screaming over & over that "I was raped and need to take a shower right now!"

Then I wake up.....remembering every detail.

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